Bored Under Canvas – Big Tent for Israel
Posted: December 2, 2011 | Author: boredofdeputies | | Tags: BICOM, big tent for Israel, israel, jewish, pro-Israel, We Believe |Leave a comment »
by Bored of Deputies
Last weekend Manchester saw the erection of the Big Tent for Israel, the next event in BICOM’s series “We Believe” (in an un-nuanced narrative). BICOM’s first day of pro-Israel, anti-legitimization speakers in London 6 months ago was fairly popular, even if the numbers were slightly exaggerated by the organisers counting attendants Jewish souls as an addition participant. This time was not different, with around 700 people (+/- 300) attending, including at least seven audience members under the age of 50!
The Bored are always conscious of the community zeitgeist, so despite our London-centric leanings we acquiesced to this particular outdoor pursuit. Since it was so successful the organisers are hoping to put up a series of “mini-tents” or as we call them two-man tents around the country. To The Bored, holding a similar but smaller out of town event it’s a bit like when the kids get jealous of your dinner party and want to have a secret evening. So to appease them, you help them put up a pop tent in the garden and watch the make unsavoury shadow puppets by torchlight.
The Bored sanctioned our Northern comrade’s camp and advised them in hosting their event. But with the prospect of more on the horizon, we couldn’t allow our community to journey to enclaves of sub-standard cuisine and mediocre anti-Semitism under canvas, without our camping survival guide – applicable to any tent-based event, big or small – and here it is:
Finding the camp site:
Follow the grey clouds up the M1 with a stop at the services for the “M&S kosher”. When arriving ensure you choose the right event and avoid the counter demonstration; The Giant Gazebo for Gaza, the Whopping Wigwam for the West Bank and The Shed of Suitable Spending of the Yom Kippur Appeal will all try and attract you. Instead, head for the big tent…. which in true Zionist pioneering spirit is in the conference room of a 4-star hotel.
Kit list:
A sleeping bag is a must for any camping trip, especially one with as many likeminded speaker as this.
You’ll want a pad to take notes, but make sure there’s plenty of room on the right side of the page.
Always carry a Torch (…for Lorna Fitzsimons).
A gas cooker is worthwhile as if you’ve ever eaten a JS or Pagoda’s in a provincial kosher restaurant before you’ll be planning to do your own cooking.
Bring some spending money for the tuck shop or provider, if you have any left after getting fleeced in your Yom Kippur appeal.
And finally, you’ll need a good set of shoulder pads for a day of mutual back-patting.
Claustrophobics shouldn’t get in a flap:
Camping novices are often a little concerned about the amount of room there is under canvas and these tent is no exception. Initially the Manchester event was quite a tight squeeze, so certain groups were left out. But in the end we decided to add a porch area to allow them to camp, without fully sharing the midnight feast.
Prayer Requirements:
Manchester’s event was organised by Rabbi Guttentag who – as his name suggests – is a particular fan of shacharit. But never fear; the rest of your praying need will be met in the site’s prayer hall also known as the Massive Marquee for Minchah and Maariv.
Pitching the Tent:
The tent should be pitched on the high ground and out of left field.
Accept no substitutes:
Beware of other similar confusing canvas-based Jewish Community campaigns specifically:
The Prodigious Pergola of Purim Pageantry
The Bulky Bivouac of Brachot Beseechers
The Amorphous Awning of Anti-semitism adversaries
The Tremendous Tepee against Two-day Yom Tov
Follow this simple guide and we have no doubt, you’ll never choose a caravan again. (But even if you don’t like it, we’ll tell the JC you did as well as inflating the attendance figures by 35%.)
It’s going to be Intense.