Bored at School part II – Enter-Prize

Posted: September 15, 2011 | Author: boredofdeputies | | Tags: education, hasmo, Immanuel college, jewish, jfs, point system, school |1 Comment »

 by Bored of Deputies

The Bored are pleased to bring you the second instalment of our education report. If you haven’t yet seen part 1 it is worth a look and don’t forget to follow @boredofdeputies on twitter.

The Bored are acutely aware that last week’s Jewish education mini-report dodged the most controversial issue of the lot… the new entry criteria.

Due to recent legislation change that was debated in the House of Lords, a point system is now in place to assess suitability for Jewish school entry. For those who are confused by the changes, here is our explanation of how it works:

• To attend Jewish school each pupil requires 25 points as they move through childhood.
• They can gain points by completing activities and tasks that offer differing rewards.
• Examples of such activities include:
  • Synagogue attendance
  • Kissing ones bearded great aunt
  • Enjoying Gefilte fish
  • Being selfish but ultimately substandard in sport
  • Attending self-serving, ultimately pointless, Israel-related rallies

• They can also double their points if they role a 6 three turns in a row.
• If you land on the ‘Report Card’ square then you take a card which might entitle you to collect the points of another prospective pupil.
• Depending on which rules you follow, players from multiple faiths may also be allowed to play, though they can only role the” dice of disapproval” with is weighted toward the 1.

The Bored think this system is over complicated, self-defeating and a threat to our community. However, rather than contest the decision, we have decided to embrace it.

We passionately believe that this can be used to dissuade negative behaviours by deducting points for acts considered to be “un-Jewish”:

• The penalised activities include:
  • Consuming pork based products
  • Attending White Hart Lane on the Sabbath
  • Partaking in Synagogue based games of hide and seek
  • Not taking the CST seriously

• By allocating a more detailed point and penalty system, we can we improve standards of observance and cultural participation.
• The system also provides those Jews who struggle with the relative weightings of sins and mitzvot on Yom Kippur, with a clearer framework.

Once it is established that eating a Bacon McDouble with cheese can be cancelled out by driving to a Shabbat service, staying for kiddish and not bringing your mobile with, all will be simpler. If Jewish Girls can understand that 3 hours loshan hora can be cancelled out with two visits to Jewish care home and one bag carrying on the kosher shop, they are likely to live longer. When parents donate money to inefficient charities they can rest easy knowing that they have cancelled out their use of the same dishwasher for meat and milk.

We also expect a theological response with fewer questions like, “if saying G-d’s name in vain outranks murder in the 10 commandments, is it really worse?”

Finally, the complexity of the system will provide yet another barrier to alternate faith groups seeking to benefit from the exquisitely pressured environment of Jewish education we assume they want so much.

The Bored expect to see these changes implemented in the early long-term and look forward to seeing a more observant/confused and ultimately more closeted community as a result.

As always The Bored are keen to hear feedback from our community, so please do get in touch, if only so we can mock your opinions over Friday night dinner.

Next week… Rosh Hashana – Bored at Shul?

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